Western culture's puritannical war against our sweet nectar has taken a new twist: The British Library has completely banned ink from its premises, as too many books have been damaged by thoughtless researchers who were unable to refrain from scribbling notes in pen upon rare manuscripts. Thanks to these fools, a 'pencils only' policy comes into effect this month, and other libraries around the world are expected to follow suit.
I will, of course, be organizing a picket line outside the library just as soon as I've finished washing yesterday's ink from the cuffs of my shirt. And I shall be writing to Strasbourg to claim that my human rights have been violated just as soon as I've decided which ink to use for the letter. We cannot allow them to treat us like this. Come with your placards and your megaphones: 'What do we want? Inklusion! When do we want it? Now!'
I wonder, though, if the ban applies to a rather bizarre product from Noodler's: The Blue Ghost Invisible Ink. According to the company's website (http://www.noodlersink.com/), this spectral substance is invisible under normal conditions. To see it, 'black light' (which, judging from the picture on the Noodler's site, is American-English for 'ultraviolet') must be shone upon the page. There now follows a short paragraph typed in Blue Ghost:
Okay, you can switch off your UV lights now.
What the British Library doesn't know is that I have been ghost-writing pro-ink propaganda upon its walls with this invisible ink for several years. And, if the cruel ban is not revoked, the day will come when I will quietly switch all of the lightbulbs in the building over to ultraviolet. The ghosts are waiting.
Inks in use today: Private Reserve Tanzanite; Levenger Cocoa.
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