
Ink, again, is an index to death.
Mortality, as regular readers of this jaunty blog will know, is never far from my thoughts, but it feels closer than usual today. This is not just because the news has been filled with reports of the sad loss of John Updike. (Like Nicholson Baker, author of the magnificent tribute to Updike, U and I, I cannot claim to have read all of the author's books. But what I have read, I have loved, especially the Rabbit novels and 'Rabbit Remembered', the brief story-length epilogue set after the hero's death.) No, dear readers, death has been brought near today by ink and a piece of card.
One of my tasks for the day was to write a reference (I believe that Ink Quest's many American readers will know such a thing better as a letter of recommendation) for a former student of mine. I probably write between fifty and hundred of these for different people in the course of a year, so it's a perfectly routine activity. Well, usually. Because the student in question graduated something like a decade ago, his record card -- to which I wanted to refer in order to check his grades -- is no longer kept in the main departmental offices; I was, rather, required to walk further down the corridor to the somewhat mysterious room where all of the older cards are filed in several large cabinets.
Even though I have been teaching in the department for around ten years, I have never, until today, had occasion to delve into this dusty archive. As soon as I opened the drawers and started searching for the card, I found myself floating freely across history, for the archived items are not stored by graduating year; they're simply alphabetized in one giant ahistorical sequence, so it's possible while flicking through, say, the records for former students whose surnames begin (or began -- a distinction to which I will return) with 'A' to see faces and names from any year going back to something like the late 1940s. (The university is older than that, but I saw no cards from earlier periods.)
When I eventually found the card I needed, I removed it from the drawer, but it somehow attached itself to its neighbour, which meant that I suddenly found myself looking at a photograph of a student who entered the university in 1951. The first thing I noticed about the picture was how well dressed the individual was. His hair was slicked down, he was cleanly shaven and smiling politely, and he wore an elegant suit and tie. For a brief moment, I wondered if I was looking at a member of the cast of Brideshead Revisited. It is almost impossible to imagine a male student of 2009 dressing so formally for the photograph to be handed over to the department on enrolment. I'm far too old to know how to describe the student fashions of today, but I can at least see that they're usually as informal as possible. In many cases, the idea seems (to my wrinkled and squinting eye) to be to look as nonchalant and ungroomed as possible on the record card. (I got the grades you required of me, but don't expect me to shine my shoes or shave my face, mister. I'm stickin' it to The Man all the way to graduation.)
When I'd got over the shock of the picture, I noticed the ink and the handwriting that had, over half a century ago, recorded the student's details and performance in examinations. They were both, in short, things of utter beauty. The letters were immaculately formed, vivacious, precisely linked, and instantly conjured up a period when proper penmanship was prized in British schools. The ink, meanwhile, was a gorgeously deep blue-black that showed no signs of weathering. I can think of no modern blue-black with the same kind of quiet nuance.
My first thought was to ask a more senior member of the department to whom the handwriting belonged. But I quickly realized that, if the striking letters had been formed fifty-eight years ago, none of my colleagues could possibly know the answer to the question. And then it really hit me: the person who had made such delightfully lively inky marks upon the piece of card is almost certainly no longer among the living. Even if the individual was a recently appointed junior lecturer in 1951, he or she must have been close to thirty at the time. (I suspect, however, that the maker of the marks was older than that, for the style of the letters reminds me of grandmother's handwriting, and she would be 103 if she were alive today.)
This bristle of mortality led me to wonder about the student whose name and photograph adorned the card. If he was eighteen years of age in 1951 (is that when people became university students back then, or did National Service come first?), he would now be seventy-six. That's not really ancient by modern standards, so there's a chance that he's still out there somewhere, still dressing like a true gentleman, still looking back fondly at his university years. Even if he is, though, there was something rather unsettling about looking at the photograph of his youthful face. That frozen, voiceless moment from nearly sixty years ago is all I will ever see, all I will ever know. What happened next is a mystery. I wouldn't know him if I passed him in the street tomorrow, for I am only familiar with his face as it was in 1951. The photograph has removed him from the frame of life.
Surrounded by all of this death, of course, the blue-black ink sat mocking. Unlike the subject whose name it formed upon the index card, unlike the owner of the pen from which it flowed, it is -- fire and floods aside -- immortal. And that undying quality merely underscores the mortality of the student and the writer. You can run, rabbit, but you can't hide. All human fingers turn to dust, and ink remains the index.
Ink used for epitaphs today: Omas Sepia.
PS (29 January): They keep on dropping this week. I read a few moments ago that John Martyn has followed John Updike into the nothingness. Just as I have not read all of Updike's books, I have not heard all of Martyn's albums, but Solid Air has long been one of my favourites, and 'Small Hours' (from One World) does sublime things with an acoustic guitar, an echo unit, and a volume pedal. All love songs should, I feel, contain the line, 'Say you'll be my ruin':




